Forgive my mouth, forgive my mind
by StrikeFast
Summary: What to do when brotherly love starts meaning something else? Jared Leto/Shannon Leto from 30 Seconds To Mars


**Disclaimer: I do not own the people in the story. If I did, I wouldn't be here writing stuff about them. **

It was a boring Friday night. A quiet Friday night. An unusual Friday night.

The Leto-brothers had their asses parked in a brown leather couch and watched another bad Russell Crowe movie without a plot. The brothers were both wrapped in big fluffy blankets. Their band hadn't played a show in a while and the Letos had gotten incredibly bored with just chilling around in Shannon's house.

Shannon looked at Jared as the younger brother shoved a handful of white pop-corns into his mouth. The crunching sound when he chewed them made Shannon cringe slightly. He had always disliked that sound. And the sound of teeth biting through apple peels into the white flesh of the fruit. That slurping sound was worthy of great amounts of hatred.  
None of the brothers had bothered to shave the past week and had the beginning of a facial rug of hair on their chins and cheeks.  
Shannon wore a t-shirt and a pair of plain white boxers to celebrate the day. Jared was only clad in his shimmering black pyjama trousers.  
The brothers' hair shone, not from fancy styling products but from grease.

The charm and the curse of being around family is that it is allowed to be disgustingly comfortable, Shannon thought and absently sniffed his armpits. The drummer then decided that the odour wasn't bad enough to do anything about. Taking a shower seemed completely unnecessary.

Suddenly the TV stopped working. Russell's dull face faded into darkness and the screen went black. Shannon groaned and stripped away the blankets. He walked over to the dead TV, crouched down, and started pressing every single button on the machine.  
"Don't bother trying to make that thing work again. I'm sick and tired of watching that screen anyways." Jared said and patted the brown leather on the couch to get the drummer to sit down again.  
Shannon sighed despondently and went back to the couch and wrapped himself up in the blankets again. "What now? I don't feel like getting ready to go out." he asked.

Jared smiled at his lazy brother. It probably meant that they were getting old as they didn't have the energy to go out on a Friday night. "Let's just talk about random shit." the singer suggested. Shannon liked that idea since he hadn't had a long conversation with his brother in ages. He actually missed talking to his brother about everything between heaven and hell.  
"What do you want to talk about?" Shannon asked and leaned his head back to rest on the couch's dorsal. Jared spun a poor lonely pop-corn between his long slender fingers before he put it into his mouth. The moist heat dissolved the pop-corn in seconds.  
"Do you have a potential girlfriend?" the singer asked. Shannon shook his head. "I'm just as single as a gay boy without an asshole."

Jared chuckled and shook his head slowly. "This is insane..." the singer mumbled. Shannon immediately got curios and wondered what his brother meant by saying that. "What's insane?" the drummer asked. "Other than you last haircut." he added quickly with the crazy pink mohawk in mind.  
Jared's chin dropped to the floor. "Fuck you!" the singer growled and gave his brother the middle finger. Shannon also had to dodge a red cushion which was thrown at him. It soon escalated into a wild pillow fight. The feathers sailed through the air gracefully as the brothers screamed, laughed and pounded each other with the soft weapons. As the men grew tired they called it a tie. As Shannon was catching his breath, his eyes roamed the room. Pictures of him and Jared from their childhood hung on the walls and awards which the band had won was put away into safety in cabinets. Shannon was so proud of himself, and Jared. Two kids who had succeeded.

"What I meant earlier was that it is insane that we're both singles." Jared said. He had recovered from the fight faster and didn't even look tired. "You know, we're both famous and hot. Still, we're forty and none of us are in a stable relationship."  
Shannon nodded. "I hear you brother."  
The drummer watched his brother who was lying down with his hands on his stomach. He looked troubled. Shannon could see how Jared's mouth opened and closed without a single sound escaping his lips. "I've done some thinking." Jared finally managed to say. Shannon rolled his eyes dramatically. "That's the first time." he mocked. Jared's lips didn't even twitch and Shannon realized that his brother was dead serious. He didn't know why but it made him feel very uncomfortable. Jared forced himself into a sitting position and locked his gaze onto a spot on the wall.

"Maybe... It is because the right person has been right beside me all along." the singer whispered. His voice and body was shaking. Shannon felt uneasy and swerved. He quietly moved away from Jared. "What do you mean?" Shannon forced himself to ask when he was on a safe distance from his brother. Jared sat on one end of the couch and Shannon on the other. Jared exhaled loudly and curled his fists up into balls. "I think..." he started. Jared looked like he was about to throw up. "I think..." he repeated.  
"Just spill it." Shannon ordered. Jared grimaced. "I think I'm in love with my own brother." the singer blurted out and then bit his lip.

Shannon couldn't believe it. Every inch of him got cold. "Are you drunk?" Shannon growled even if he knew that his brother didn't have any alcohol at all in his system. He thought about the hugs that they shared after shows and how they always mocked each other. It sure could have been misleading but it still wasn't an excuse in Shannon's eyes. It wasn't understandable or acceptable at all. His own flesh and blood - in love with him?  
Jared's eyes flooded with tears and he shook his head. "It is us against the world. It is supposed to be this way." the singer claimed.  
"No, it's sick." Shannon replied bitterly.

Suddenly Jared rose up to his feet and walked over to his brother. Every muscle in Shannon's body tightened and he got ready to punch his brother if he even dared to get closer. Jared sat down next to his older brother and felt the heat coming from him. "If you love me, you have to let me do this." Jared said with a shaky voice and reached with his hand for Shannon's face. The drummer desperately tried to resist the urge to pull away. Shannon didn't want his brother to do it.  
But something in him didn't want to deny his baby brother that moment. Shannon closed his eyes and just waited for the thing to be over.

Jared lovingly watched his brother. The singer gently placed the tips of his finger against the brother's stubbly cheeks and felt the shiver it gave him vibrate through his fingers. He ran his fingers through Shannon's greasy hair. He caressed his face slowly.  
Then Jared leaned into his face until he could almost touch the drummer's lips with his own. The atmosphere was electric. Jared could feel Shannon's short and intimidated breath on his mouth.  
Shannon could feel the smell of musk and sweat coming from Jared's pores. Maybe it was his own smell too, he couldn't really tell the difference at this point. Shannon was frightened. This was not only incest but gay too. And Shannon wasn't a guy who liked other guys.

Jared's lips grazed against Shannon's. Shannon felt like someone had sent an electric shock through his body. Jared nibbled the drummer's bottom lip before he pulled back. "Tell me you didn't feel anything and I'll never bother you again." Jared whispered and rose to his feet. Shannon could still feel the kiss lingering on his lips and in the air. Bells rung in his ear. Calling 'no, yes, no, yes'. They couldn't make up their mind and neither could he. When the older brother didn't answer, Jared ran up the stairs.

Shannon could hear doors slamming and zippers being pulled. Then some bangs when Jared ran down the stairs again. The drummer opened his eyes and looked at his crying brother. He was now fully dressed and carried a big suitcase. "Well?" the singer asked carefully. Shannon tried to say something. Tried to feel anything. But he couldn't. His muscles were impossible to move and he couldn't even open his mouth.  
Jared shook his head and hurried to exit the house. The door slammed shut.

Now Shannon was all alone with one lonely tear running down his cheek.

Paralyzed.


End file.
